Surprise, Surprise.

Imagine this, you’re a 19-year-old girl, living with your family in a small town, you have no idea what you want to do for the rest of your life, and you’re still trying to discover yourself as a person. Oh, that sounds like almost every other 19-year-olds nowadays?? Strange, huh? For the past year or two, I’ve noticed that I don’t want to do what my other friends are doing. Most people my age finish high school, go to college with a set plan in their minds, change it a few times, struggle to balance their school work and social lives, work at a job that brings zero happiness, and they seem content with this life. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this life play out over and over again. It seems so depressing. Of course, at some point, I also wanted that to be my life.

At my 18th/ graduation party, I had so many people asking me what my plans were, where I would be going to school, what my major was going to be, etc. it was so overwhelming! I had no clue what I wanted to do, but I had to make something up so that they would give me some graduation money (you know how it goes). I would tell them, ‘oh, I want to do something in business, but I’m not entirely sure yet.’ Almost every person that I said that to said something like, ‘Oh, that’s alright. Everyone usually ends up changing their majors a few times before figuring out what they want to do.’ That just seemed crazy to me! Maybe it was because I knew my parents weren’t going to be able to help me pay for school, but all I could think of was my sad, empty wallet. I didn’t have that luxury of changing my major whenever or however, many times I want; I was too broke! I was just baffled. How is this so normalized in our society? At that point, college just seemed like a total waste of money to me.

After my graduation, I piddled around for a while. I had zero direction in my life. I had started working at a tech company, where my dad and aunt also work, doing data-entry. I knew from the start that I didn’t want to be there longer than I had to be. My goal was to work there for about 9 months, then work somewhere else. Well, this month I will have worked there for a year… this has probably been the hardest year of my life. Not saying the job itself is hard. Actually, this job is literally so easy that a monkey could probably do it. I swear! I sit there all day pressing the same buttons over, and over again. Yeah, sure, it’s easy money, but I’m also pretty sure it’s killing my braincells one by one. It requires zero brainpower and it’s killing me! I was complaining to my mother, about how terrible work was one day, and she mentioned to me a program called Praxis.

My mom had mentioned it to me a couple years earlier, but I blew her off because at the time I had my heart set on becoming a dental hygienist. Praxis was the answer to my prayers! Their whole message was, you don’t need college to have a successful career. You don’t need to spend a fortune on a useless piece of paper that just says you took some classes that MAY help you in your career. With Praxis, you gain experience and you have a show-not-tell during interviews because you have tangible evidence that shows you are capable of being successful in this type of job position, or that you have the potential to be great. I applied right on the spot.

I did some more research on Praxis. My favorite thing to do was listen to Praxis alumni and their experiences. I began feeling a bit anxious, and started to have a lot of self doubt, many participants seemed smarter, more successful, and more prepared for Praxis than I was. I thought this program was the perfect fit for me, until I started comparing myself to others. I received an email saying they would like to interview me, I was ecstatic! ME? They wanted to interview me?? I could hardly believe it!

I had three interviews in total. At one point they had asked me what some of my hobbies are, and what I’m interested in. I was completely blank. For so long I have been driven by money that I hadn’t even stopped to ask myself what am I actually interested in. That’s exactly what I told them. As soon as I was able to, I got a job. I wanted to help take care of myself so that my parents didn’t have to worry about paying for me as much. At the time of my interviews I was even working two jobs, I was working at the tech company full-time and was working at my local pizza place on the weekends. I was ashamed by my answer. I didn’t even have a simple hobby. All I would do was work, come home, and hang out with my family. That’s it.

I thought for sure that I had totally bombed the interview. I just couldn’t see myself being put in the same group as these genius Praxis alumni that I had been reading so much about, but then the email finally came. I was accepted! I couldn’t remember the last time that I had ever been this happy before. It was amazing! Although I didn’t create an app at 13, or invent some cool product, create a super awesome charity, or build a company, Praxis thought I was the perfect fit for their program. Imposter syndrome is a real thing, but I know that I don’t want the sad unfulfilling life that I had previously wanted. I am breaking this mold that our society has created for us, and I’m excited to see where I will go from here.